Dinner time

This is my dinner tonight. I had the same thing last night at 5:00 AM. 

It’s a wonder than I’m not obesely dead.

 

I usually order in from Cluck-U, the chicken place around the corner. Sometimes I get food from Danny’s – they have great pizza and subs and Italian dishes (get the lasagna.) Elsie’s Sub Shop is good too. They’re right around the corner, always hook me up with extra salami, and never run out of peach Snapple.

 

My fave is the Broadway Diner. A block away, a million dishes on the menu, and waitresses who call me “sweetie.” I go there with the NY Daily News, spread the sports section out in a booth, and dine like some enchanted gravy king.

 

I used to cook for myself. Actually, I used to really be into it. I would make poached salmon, stuffed Cornish game hens, Greekified steaks, striper and bluefish fillets, fajitas with pico de gallo…

 

Now, whenever I walk by my (gourmets, start cringing) George Foreman Grill it yelps at me like a character from Pee-Wee’s Playhouse. My stove only reluctantly lets me heat soup on its wistful burners. My oven wallows in neglect. The microwave gloats in the attention it gets from mere popcorn.

 

I suppose there may be others out there who need to go through therapy with their kitchen appliances. For now, though, it’s Hungry Man Buffalo Chicken Cardio Wings with that stupid crappy brownie.