3rd Base

She: What was dinner tonight?

 

Me: I had 4 fist fulls of Cheerios and a chicken finger that was on the floor for less than 3 seconds. I go by the 3 second rule.

 

She: …3? We go by 5 seconds

 

Me: 5 seconds? Shit. In that case I could eat way more. That's a long time in this house. I don't vacuum as much.

 

Plus, I have to race Lefty. First we lock eyes. Then we see each other thinking. Then it's a sudden all out race to the food. Winner gorges. This exchange between human and feline takes all of 1.5 seconds.

 

Then I get torn to shreds as I win and eat.

 

She:…well. I guess lefty feels whatever hits the floor is his...after all...his mouth IS closer to the floor than yours is...lol

Me:  Exactly, as are his razorblade claws. And appetite. But I used to play 3rd base, dammit.