Overwhelming Minutes
Derailed from my goals in life at an early age. Derailed again at a later age. So, apparently the answer is to go to a doctor. Fuck that. Why? When a train gets derailed, does it go to a doctor? No. It gets put back on track, fired up and ready to go full speed ahead. People make sure the track is OK, not the train.
I could barely drive home today.
Tears were streaming down my face. I knew that the happiest time of my life was over. 39, and I’m done. I have nothing but motions to look forward to. But I promise I will learn from my mistakes. For your sake, my dear. I’m scared about the future. I’m incomplete. I’m left like some dangling liquid wax, ready to drop and hybrid into the floor where everyone has been before, ignored, where nothing makes sense anymore.
Overwhelming for us both. I know alot of people tell you that I just dont care and this was the game plan all along. My message to them would be that my heart aches as well. Basically the best part of my life next to my kids is gone and with it is a very big piece of my heart.
ReplyDeleteMost people think I am the evil spawn of Satan..I am not, I am human, I love like everyone else, I cry (not often) but like everyone else, I have had my share of pain like everyone else. This was a time in my life I will NEVER forget and there is a part of me that hopes I wont have to.. With that being said however, I want it said that I will not hold you back from your future. I WANT you to be happy. I am only guilty of LOVE and not being able to let go...Not b/c I am so twisted that I want to ruin your life, not b/c I am so needy that I have to have a fall back but because I love you.
Honestly though knowing my past, what would a future hold?
Comfort, happiness, relaxation, a handsome date, awesome sex, sports arguments, trips to Paris and Italy and Spain, Christmas time in Hoboken which equals holiday in Manhattan, trips to Martha's Vineyard, I have family in San Diego, friends in San Fran, an aunt in Santa Monica, family in Ireland, friends in England, and me here...so far...in the Jersey USA as a man who loves you. He roots for the Red Sox, Jets, Mets, and Rangers. He has mild punk rock hair and a genius portfolio. Nice resume and some of the best references in the country. He's good at coaching Little league and football and he knows how to make mom sleep while the kids eat breakfast, go to practice, come home, and hit the beach. And I do it all without flashing a gun. And I have a great family. And I love you.
ReplyDelete