Monday, December 12, 2005

Mr. Hand

I would say that on the PK list of pain (broken bones, concussions, getting hit by a car, gambling losses, broken hearts,) the most painful is a burn.

The worst thing about having a burnt left hand (2nd/3rd degree burns)? Let’s make a list, shall we?


1. Can’t brush my teeth (I‘m a lefty at that)
2. Can’t smoke (I’m a lefty at that, too. Ironic blessing in disguise.)
3. Can’t write longhand. (Thank God I’m unemployed again and don’t have to
take notes at meetings. The last time this happened, I broke my left wrist in the winter of 2002. Had to write with my right hand. Might as well have put a crayon in my ear and had a seizure.)
4. Can’t put my hand in my pocket
5. Can’t shampoo my hair with two hands
6. Have to work the mouse with my right hand (I’m kind of ambidextrous.)
7. Can’t shave without looking like Freddie Kruger had a whack at my face
8. Have to relearn all the remotes in my house with my right hand.
9. Can’t carry hot soup
10. Have to take a whiz with my right hand (aim is good--must be that ambidexterious thing)
11. Can’t wrap CG’s presents
12. Can’t get into fights
13. Can’t pour acid on my hand for fun
14. Can’t play golf or tennis (whimp sports, anyway)
15. Can’t swing a bat (offseason, thank God)
16. Can’t show chicks how cool my left hand is (wait--yes I can! Play up the sympathy, dude!)

17. But I can still do this: PHP1850038

Yeah for me! Always look on the bright side of life!

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