Delusion

I was backed into a corner because I felt hurt. Rather, I was trying to shield myself from being hurt. I felt betrayed. I should have told her more about me and the history. Perhaps I was deluding myself. Whatever the interpretation, it was a snap reaction to profound disappointment. Not an expression of hate or violence. I wanted to rip up all the words I wrote about her, which were many. I used a bad noun, box cutter, to express that weak sentiment. I paid. The box cutter is still here. I am throwing it out. I used it sometimes to open packages from Amazon, Barnes & Noble and CDNow. I can use a letter opener to do that. I once had a girlfriend who physically tried to stab me. I caught her arm before the knife hit my heart. She kneed me in the balls and punched my stomach. I hugged her, settled her down, layed her in the bed with her favorite stuffed animals and gave her a kiss. I slept on the couch. The next day, she was on a plane to Cleveland. We never did resolve it. She went on to be a go-go dancer in North Carolina.