GM

I miss her. It hurts.

Grandmom

Hildegard Kelly Carden

December 27, 1913 - August 21, 2005

Restless

Silence is damning. I'm not used to quiet at this hour on weekends. I'm restless.

Eulogy

Eulogy to Hilda Carden, December 27, 1913 - ?

 

This is what I’m working from. It’s a letter I wrote to her a few months ago. I want to build on it and weave in the thread of Christine. My last words to her were of my love for the new woman in my life and how she is delivering me from my dark side. Grandmom would be thrilled to meet her. I would not have been able to wake up and date this beautiful woman without the intangible gifts Grandmom gave me. She's in a coma. The best thing she gave me, a strong heart, is the only thing keeping her alive at this point. 

 

I know you had a tough day today. I want you to know that I’m with you, right by your side, in mind and spirit. I can’t imagine having to endure what you fought through today. Maybe it’s because you have a 53-year head start on me in wisdom, strength and fortitude. No matter what it is, I admire it and I hold it to my heart as yet another instance of you teaching me that life, family, love and hope are nothing to take for granted.

 

You are always right there for me with the kindest, most touching of words when I need them. You have no idea how many times your laugh has lifted me from the doldrums, your insight has granted me perspective, and your heart has given me the confidence to face the world knowing that you have my back.

 

You gave me mom, and through her, dad. You gave me Aunt Judy, who still, after being my aunt for so long, is the coolest babe in the world. You gave me a happy childhoodand Uncle Bart and through him the abilityto hit a curve ball. You’ve given all of us a legacy of family of which we are so proud. You’ve given me so much more than I will ever be able to give back to you. I can only hope to use your example and pass the same to a family of my ownsomeday.

 

And speaking of proud, you will find no person on this planet with more pride to have your blood pumping through his veins than me. Your heart is strong. Your mind is strong. Your body is strong. But more than anything, our bond is strong. And it always will be.

 

I love you. Smile.

 

Patrick

Saint Ann

 

As what is becoming unusually usual this week, no one has the perfect timing of St. Ann.

 

FloridaAlaskaCaliforniaSeattleNewJersey

My new G4 laptop is stuck in Alaska. Thanks for the 2-day shipping premium, Apple! After 6 days.....Grandmom is in LA. Mom is with Grandmom in LA. Dad is in Seattle with my sister and her kids. Certain people are in Florida. I'm in NJ. Accordingly to Mrs. J , I'm as transparent as opaque. Couldn't be a more perfect descriptor. I have to write a eulogy tonight. I have writer's block. Too much room in my bed. Everything is every thing and you're missing. This is the high tech toy I'm waiting for. It is bejeweled with all bells and whistles. And I paid a pay check for it. Ouch. That could have bought a lot of lace. Material stuff matters not now. The backlit keyboard will make it so much easier to type in the dark, though.

Time flies, gravity wins

2nd Anniversary of AOL Journals, already? Happy B-Day to all fellow journals out there. I'll celebrate by being vapidly nebulous, cryptic, rhythmic and masochistic. Here is a link to some 2nd Anniversary happenings. I will probably not be doing any of those things because I think shit like that is gay. Just kidding. I'm merely anti-social. That is why I have a journal.